Đồng cảm sinh ra tin tưởng: Bí quyết giúp trẻ nghe lời

Mối quan hệ giữa cha mẹ và con cái là nền tảng giúp trẻ hình thành sự tự tin, nhân cách sau này. Khi trẻ không nghe lời là lúc mối quan hệ đó có phần “suy yếu”.

Khi con bạn không nghe lời, bạn nghĩ sao?

Mình thường nghe các mẹ kêu ca về chuyện con cái không nghe lời, kèm theo đó là hàng loạt các lí do nghe chừng rất cảm tính như “con mình rất bướng, dạo này con mình chơi với bạn xấu hay sao mà không nghe lời và hay cãi lại bố mẹ…”, trong khi nhiều ba mẹ thì tự vấn bản thân kiểu “hay là cách dạy con của mình không đúng…”.

Tuy nhiên, các chuyên gia giáo dục khuyên rằng, trong trường hợp này thay vì tự than trách bản thân bạn hãy dành thời gian nghĩ lại về mối quan hệ giữa bạn và con cái và tự mình đặt ra hai câu hỏi:

  1. Liệu con có cảm nhận đầy đủ tình cảm mà cha mẹ dành cho con hay không?
  2. Liệu con có tin cậy cha mẹ hay không?

Câu hỏi 1 là nền móng giúp bạn thiết lập mối quan hệ vững chắc nhất giữa các thành viên trong gia đình. Nếu không, bạn hãy tìm hiểu trong bài viết “5 ngôn ngữ tình yêu dành cho trẻ” để có những gợi ý phù hợp.

Câu hỏi 2 tưởng chừng không liên quan thế nhưng có bao giờ bạn thắc mắc các bạn có hứng lắng nghe và đồng thuận với người mà mình không tin tưởng hay không? Chắc chắn là không và trẻ con cũng như vậy.

Trong cuốn sách “90% trẻ thông minh nhờ cách trò chuyện đúng đắn của cha mẹ” có viết: “Có một số yếu tố nền tảng để hình thành nên sự tin cậy, một trong số đó là đồng cảm. Đây là một thuật ngữ trong tư vấn tâm lí. Trong đời thường, người ta sử dụng cụm “thấy đồng cảm với tác phẩm này” là ý nói một cách khác là cảm giác “tôi hiểu”. Một khi có sự đồng cảm, ai cũng nhận thấy mình “được thấu hiểu”.

Đồng cảm chính là nền tảng của lòng tin. Những cách thức như “thừa nhận” hay “lắng nghe tích cực” mà tôi nhắc đến trong những phần trước cũng là phương thức để giành được sự đồng cảm. Với mọi phương thức, quan trọng là phải để người kia nói, hạn chế nêu ý kiến và đề xuất của bản thân. Ngay cả bác sĩ tâm lý cũng phải chú ý điều này. Tuy nhiên, điều nguy hiểm nhất của các cha mẹ khi nói chuyện với con là đưa ra quá nhiều ý kiến cũng như đề xuất cá nhân.”

–> Có thể bạn muốn: Xem giá và mua sách  hoặc Thuê sách

Bí quyết để trẻ nghe lời bắt nguồn từ sự đồng cảm, muốn có sự đồng cảm, cha mẹ phải học cách lắng nghe

Đầu tiên, hãy chú tâm lắng nghe trẻ bằng cách: Ngồi xuống gần con; nhìn thẳng, trực tiếp vào con; tránh không nên phân tâm bởi các yếu tố bên ngoài, dùng ngôn ngữ cơ thể cũng như cử chỉ khiến con cảm nhận được sự thân thiện, dễ chịu như nhẹ nhàng gật đầu, mỉm cười,…

Tiếp theo, hãy phản hồi lại thông tin nhằm làm rõ vấn đề của trẻ, hiểu cảm giác trẻ đã trải qua tuy nhiên bạn không cần thể hiện bạn đồng thuận hay phản đối với suy nghĩ của trẻ. Bạn có thể tóm tắt lại vấn đề của trẻ để thể hiện việc mình đã hiểu. Ngoài ra, bạn cũng có thể đưa ra một số câu hỏi gợi mở để giúp trẻ cung cấp thêm thông tin.

Lưu ý, không nên cắt ngang lời của trẻ. Hành động này sẽ khiến trẻ cảm thấy thất vọng và được coi là việc lãng phí trong lắng nghe.

Bố mẹ có nên định hướng sở thích cho trẻ?
Cách giúp trẻ hào hứng khám phá.

Cuối cùng, hãy lựa chọn cách phản ứng một cách thích hợp.

  • Nếu đó chỉ là một câu chuyện mà trẻ muốn giãi bày với cha mẹ không nhằm mục đích thanh minh, phân bua thì bố mẹ chỉ cần lắng nghe một cách chú tâm, tận tình và thể hiện sự đồng cảm với cảm xúc mà trẻ trải qua.
  • Nếu đó là một vấn đề trẻ gặp khó khăn chưa có giải pháp bố mẹ có thể kết hợp giữa lắng nghe và gợi mở bằng các câu hỏi giúp trẻ tự tìm ra câu trả lời. Sau cùng, bạn thử nói trẻ tự suy nghĩ cách giải quyết hoặc cùng trao đổi một số phương án mà bạn cho là hiệu quả và hỏi ý kiến của trẻ.
  • Nếu như đó là cuộc nói chuyện sau một lỗi lầm mà trẻ gây ra hãy thử: ¼ thời gian ban đầu cho trẻ trình bày về sự việc, ¼ sau cho trẻ nói cảm giác của mình và giải thích lý do mà con làm việc đó, ¼ thời gian tiếp theo hãy nói lên cảm giác của bạn để cho trẻ hiểu, ¼ thời gian sau cùng cha mẹ và con cùng thảo luận và kết luận vấn đề “lần sau chúng ta nên làm thế nào cho đúng”..

Vậy đó, dù bạn có tin hay không nhưng quan hệ tin tưởng giữa cha mẹ và con cái sẽ sinh ra sự tự tin và thái độ tích cực về bản thân và dĩ nhiên sẽ khiến trẻ nghe lời.

Lưu ý: Cơ hội đọc miễn phí rất nhiều đầu sách hay tại thư viện Bé tư duy, tìm hiểu ngay.

Đọc thêm:

Tôi là sư tử hay lừa – Câu chuyện mà tất cả bố mẹ nên đọc.
Đàn kiến biết ơn – Câu chuyện giúp bé rèn luyện nhân cách.
Con chó tham lam – Bài học về lòng tham.
Những miếng bọt biển hạnh phúc – Câu chuyện dạy trẻ yêu thương.

 

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154 thoughts on “Đồng cảm sinh ra tin tưởng: Bí quyết giúp trẻ nghe lời

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    But those three names do not appear anywhere in the complaint text, though the document gives enough clues to make clear who is who. Instead, they are named as Cooperating Witness 1, 2 and 3, and each agreed to plead guilty and to cooperate with the government in the hope of obtaining leniency when they are sentenced, the complaint says.

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